The Plumbing Planet

Till immigrants do us part

Wednesday, March 7 2007

by our Politics correspondent Jack Uzi

Home Secretary John Reid has launched a crackdown on "foreigners who come to the UK and steal our benefits". Mr Reid says that the plan is intended to stop illegal immigrants getting housing, healthcare or work. He added that the new measures would also prevent immigrants from gaining access to justice or enjoying the famed British sense of fair play. They will also be denied food, clean water, shelter from the rain, Channel 5 and free gifts with breakfast cereals.
Mr Reid would not be drawn on rumours that he is to give up politics after being made a lucrative offer to star as Alf Garnett in a remake of the classic sitcom Till Death Do Us Part. It is believed that the BBC want Reid to play the racist, bigoted, fascist and foul-mouthed Garnett and they have said the fact that he is not an actor will be no hindrance.
Others in the running for roles in the remake are Margaret Beckett as Garnett's wife Else, Tony Blair as his lazy Scottish git son-in-law and David Milliband as their daughter Rita. The Conservative Party have attacked the Government for stealing their ideas and said that they are pushing through the programme in order to steal the thunder from their own planned remake of Love Thy Neighbour.