On the occasion of the Scottish parliamentary elections of 2007, a time of purdah and purgatory.

Ah cannae stand burnt sausage rolls
And am bored stupid by a game of bowls.
Ah dinnae believe in the Dead Sea scrolls
And cannae be arsed wi Sunday strolls.
What’s the point of studying black holes
Or watchin fish swim around in shoals?
Ah just cannae abide Cabinet moles
Or that wee ginger twat Paul Scholes
Or Skye Bridge tolls or our own goals
Or Peter Bowles or Tony Knowles
Ah wouldnae fancy walkin o’er hot coals
Or having my bollocks eaten by voles
Or being shot at fae grassy knolls
But worse than a’ thae tortured souls
All their parts and all their wholes
Is friggin, bastardin opinion polls
They fair get oan ma wick

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