O’Leary said there would be strict penalties for anyone taking more than their fair share and that they would be particularly hard on asthmatics who had been cheating other passengers for years.

Some are already drawing up a plan for regime change in Mexico which produces 4.8% of the world’s oil but continues to have a horrendous human rights record on guacamole.

UKTV History has become Yesterday and Dave’s catch-up channel (+1) has be renamed, wait for it, Dave ja vu. What will the marketing experts come up with next in branding our TV viewing? Will BBC2 become …

Super-brainy Latin scholar Gail Trimble has almost single-handedly swept to victory in the BBC’s University Challenge competition, outscoring all her team mates put together to take the title.

Sir Fred, said by many to be the complete banker, was known to colleagues as Fred the Garlic Bread because of his ruthless cutting of loafs from the RBS budget and replacing them with cheaper focaccia.

Among expected bidders for the benefit mail is ‘Sir’ Richard Branson. He intends to rebrand it as Virgin DSS although it is thought that this concept might cause particular confusion in Dundee.

Mr Tarrant says he too used to be a millionaire before his former wife took it all away as redress for him being a total carrot.

Now let me explain why I’m watching a film that is some 28 years old. As I suspect is true of most parents, I’m living vicariously through my children. From visiting lower league football grounds to watching …

RBS bonuses from STVnews.
It is  a bit dull to start with so you might want to fast forward till about 1.50 in.

“My dad really knows his music,” said Duffy, “Even though the closest he got to being in the biz was when he was in a Right Said Fred tribute band.