In further worrying developments, it has been reported that in one of the London cases, a man has spent the day in bed and has been sniffling. Doctors fear that if his symptoms do not improve soon then he may have to take a day off work.

The Prime Minister conceded that his Government was in a position where winning the next general election was difficult but that they would take every opportunity in the legislative period remaining to make their mark.

It’s close to midnight and something evil’s lurking in your tank
Under the moonlight you catch a wiff that’s smellin’ pretty rank
You try to clear but water floods the floor before you make it
You start to …

After Mr Quit’s gaffe and fearing that suspects could be tipped off about their plans, hundreds of officers swooped upon suspects on Wednesday afternoon rather. That meant rushing out a press release saying that the raids were going to take place and not all news channels were able to be there to film the arrests.

A list of possible successors to Alan Shearer is being drawn up at Newcastle United following the sacking of the former striker this morning.

The judge said that Madonna was not fit to be a mother to three-year-old Mercy James. A spokesman for the multi-millionaire singer furiously denied she was unfit, saying that she had the body of a man half her age.

However the huge sums being devoted to helping troubled economies have already come under attack with several financial experts saying that there is actually no such number as a trillion.

Police have refused to confirm reports that former RBS chief Sir Fred Goodwin was among the protesters and had been seen throwing a missile, believed to be a bottle of tonic wine, through a window of the bank.