Unfortunately Gary Barlow’s agent misread the invitation and Barlow actually walked up Kilimanjaro.

Madeley says he is keen to show the viewing public that he isn’t simply a smug, one-dimensional simpleton with the emotional reach of a tin of hairspray.

Cole has admitted that he called the officers disputatious polemicists when they continued to argue with him and that he went on to call them neo-reactionary Neanderthals.

Protestors such as Ms Deen are being trained by a mysterious group known as Sweet Revenge which is reportedly part of al-Qaeda’s non-military wing.

Ms Bruni said that she and the president had drawn up a short list of possible candidates for adoption but had not yet decided if they wanted a boy or a girl.

The Chancellor said that they would print off £5000 for every adult in the country and £1000 for every child.

However Mr Brown replied, “I’m not trying to cause a big sensation. I’m just talking about my generation.”

Insiders suggest that one cost-cutting move being mooted by bosses is a controversial plan to get rid of Sir Trevor McDonald’s moustache.

Dogs are stupid. Here is proof as if it were needed.