Jackson is said to have chosen London as the venue for his global comeback because of his fascination for spoof secret agent Austin Powers.

The Prime Minister also said that it is worthwhile to take a chance and that the benefits of the community chest should be used wisely.

Old FSF knew his onions when it came to stories and the pertinent word was short. Why mess with that?

However it was at the after-show party that Mr Kay’s fate was sealed when he walked straight by the Pot Noodle stand and instead picked up a plate of pasta and a glass of wine from an area set aside for production staff.

O’Leary said there would be strict penalties for anyone taking more than their fair share and that they would be particularly hard on asthmatics who had been cheating other passengers for years.

Some are already drawing up a plan for regime change in Mexico which produces 4.8% of the world’s oil but continues to have a horrendous human rights record on guacamole.

Sir Fred, said by many to be the complete banker, was known to colleagues as Fred the Garlic Bread because of his ruthless cutting of loafs from the RBS budget and replacing them with cheaper focaccia.

Among expected bidders for the benefit mail is ‘Sir’ Richard Branson. He intends to rebrand it as Virgin DSS although it is thought that this concept might cause particular confusion in Dundee.

Mr Tarrant says he too used to be a millionaire before his former wife took it all away as redress for him being a total carrot.

RBS bonuses from STVnews.
It is  a bit dull to start with so you might want to fast forward till about 1.50 in.