As the constipated man says, it’s the waiting that’s the worst. Well I’ve been waiting for flippin weeks for this war to start and there’s not been so much as an exocet fired by accident. Not even a bit of death by friendly fire. Call this a war? Honest tradesmen like myself will obviously need… Continue reading Cheese Eaters
Category: Plumb Line
The Plumb Line
Tories in Trouble
I’ve been having a good think about the state of the Conservative Party in Britain. Two minutes it took me. Shower of flamin’ losers. Lady Thatcher would be turning in her grave if she could see the mess this lot was in. If she was dead. To think that the party she led to three… Continue reading Tories in Trouble
Simply Not Cricket
This Cricket World Cup in South Africa is really confusing me. Well, it’s just not cricket is it? It’s politics, it’s death threats, it’s drug taking, it’s racial slurs. It’s everything except flaming cricket. I don’t really know what the problem is with these English lads not wanting to play in Zimbabwe. Are they afraid… Continue reading Simply Not Cricket
Asylum Seekers
It makes my blood boil, it really does. Who do these people think they are? You give them the English language, teach them cricket and football, put shoes on their feet and all they want to do is come to Britain and blow us up. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they want to take… Continue reading Asylum Seekers
Review of 2002
YEARS ARE like pipes – you can look back at them, up them, down them or along them but you can’t change the crap that was in them. And as I always say, if it’s true in plumbing then it’s true in life. In January, Johnny Foreigner and his continental cousins threw away their money… Continue reading Review of 2002
Cherie Oh Baby
Who amongst us hasn’t enlisted the help of the convicted fraudster boyfriend of your former soft-porn actress best friend in order to save a few quid on a house? No, me neither. Does Mrs Blair really believe we will all fall for that quivering lower lip, I’m just a girlie, don’t really understand business, my… Continue reading Cherie Oh Baby
Firefighters
Now I’m the last man to stand in the way of someone earning a decent wage but those firefighters are getting right up my hooter. How can they honestly expect a 40 per cent pay rise for sitting around playing pool all week and rescuing cats from trees? The odd chip pan fire and the… Continue reading Firefighters
The Burrell Collection
Having previously written about Mr Paul Burrell, former butler to the blessed Diana, and suggested that he was a thieving git who should be executed, I now discover I was wrong. Mr Burrell is in fact not a thief. He told her Maj the Queen that he was going to ‘safeguard’ a few items of… Continue reading The Burrell Collection
Posh Kidnap
What a rumpus about that so-called kidnap attempt on Mrs Posh Beckham by a gang of crazed Romanian gypsies. As usual the newspapers got it all wrong. Fair enough, it wasn’t nice that the gypos wanted to abduct Lady Victoria, hold her for a £5m ransom and threaten to chop her up into tiny pieces.… Continue reading Posh Kidnap
Diana and Burrell
Is there no end to the indignities that poor Princess Diana must suffer? It’s bad enough that she is being portrayed as a slapper whose ex husband is cavorting around with an elderly horse-faced woman. Now we are told that her butler has been knicking all her best gear. First of all, just because the… Continue reading Diana and Burrell