The McConnell Log
Some smart Alex once said that Scotland will only be free when the last minister of the Kirk is strangled with the last copy of The Sunday Post. Now, thanks to Jack Topaz McConnell, that has all changed. Now they say that Scotland will only be free when the First Minister is strangled. Wee Jack, however, is much more than mere politician. Unknown to many of his countrymen, he is also poet and tragedian. For better and for verse. Much, much verse. Here, in a style owing much to lauded predecessors such as Burns, McGonagall and Dalglish, is the secret poetry of Jack Topaz McConnell.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Ode to Zinedine Zidane
Wan nil to Ingerlund
Wi 90 minutes gone
Tyldesley’s daen ma nut in
But hang oan here’s Zidane
He’s lining up a free kick
Gaun yersel big man
Calamity for Calamity
Ya beauty it’s wan wan
Ah’m supposed tae be neutral
First Minister an aw that
But even David Blunkett
Can see Gerard’s a prat
A hospital pass tae Calamity
He’s ta’en the legs aff Henry
The ref’s pointed tae ra spot
Help ma boab a penalty
Get it up ye, get it up ye
Get it up ye Tony Blair
Your boys took a beating
Fae a man wi no much hair
Wi 90 minutes gone
Tyldesley’s daen ma nut in
But hang oan here’s Zidane
He’s lining up a free kick
Gaun yersel big man
Calamity for Calamity
Ya beauty it’s wan wan
Ah’m supposed tae be neutral
First Minister an aw that
But even David Blunkett
Can see Gerard’s a prat
A hospital pass tae Calamity
He’s ta’en the legs aff Henry
The ref’s pointed tae ra spot
Help ma boab a penalty
Get it up ye, get it up ye
Get it up ye Tony Blair
Your boys took a beating
Fae a man wi no much hair
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