The McConnell Log
Some smart Alex once said that Scotland will only be free when the last minister of the Kirk is strangled with the last copy of The Sunday Post. Now, thanks to Jack Topaz McConnell, that has all changed. Now they say that Scotland will only be free when the First Minister is strangled. Wee Jack, however, is much more than mere politician. Unknown to many of his countrymen, he is also poet and tragedian. For better and for verse. Much, much verse. Here, in a style owing much to lauded predecessors such as Burns, McGonagall and Dalglish, is the secret poetry of Jack Topaz McConnell.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Ode to Andy Murray
On the occasion of tennis superstar Andy Murray upsetting the sensibilities of the English nation by saying he'd not support their bid for World Cup glory.
In deepest, darkest, poshest Surrey
Wee Ingerlunders are in a flurry
They rant and rave but he disnae worry
You’ve got to love wee Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Andy Murray
He’s got shite hair
But we don’t care
Andy Andy Murray
Wi a barnet like that I’ve got a hunch
He’s a refugee fae the Hair Bear Bunch
But he makes the Inglish spew their lunch
And Henman’s got a face yid love to punch
Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Andy Murray
He’s got shite hair
But we don’t care
Andy Andy Murray
He widnae back Ingerlund as a last resort
He’d rather hae VD or a genital wart
But jist to show that he’s a guid sport
He’ll wear a Portugal top on centre court
Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Andy Murray
He’s got shite hair
But we don’t careAndy Andy Murray
In deepest, darkest, poshest Surrey
Wee Ingerlunders are in a flurry
They rant and rave but he disnae worry
You’ve got to love wee Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Andy Murray
He’s got shite hair
But we don’t care
Andy Andy Murray
Wi a barnet like that I’ve got a hunch
He’s a refugee fae the Hair Bear Bunch
But he makes the Inglish spew their lunch
And Henman’s got a face yid love to punch
Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Andy Murray
He’s got shite hair
But we don’t care
Andy Andy Murray
He widnae back Ingerlund as a last resort
He’d rather hae VD or a genital wart
But jist to show that he’s a guid sport
He’ll wear a Portugal top on centre court
Andy Murray
Andy Murray
Andy Andy Murray
He’s got shite hair
But we don’t careAndy Andy Murray
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Anyone But England
Written on the occasion of the 2006 World Cup and in the wake of ‘controversy’ over Wee Jack’s declaration of support for Trinidad and Tobago.
What’s so bad
About supporting Trinidad?
If ah may say so
Ah can follow Tobago
If ah want
Ah’m the kind of guy
That quite likes Paraguay
And if it suits my needs
Ah’ll be behind the Swedes
So shut it
Italy or Ukraine,
Brazil, Switzerland or Spain
Poland or Japan
Germany, Ghana or Iran
Whoever
Any eejit can see
I’ll be supporting A.B.E.
And if that’s sad
Well it’s just too effin bad.
So there
Ah dinnae care
If I get a row fae Tony Blair
I’m Scottish to the hilt
So get it right up your kilt
Ya bass
C’moan T and T
C’moan Russell Latapy
Anyone But England dis for me
A.B.E.
A.B.E.
A.B.E.
What’s so bad
About supporting Trinidad?
If ah may say so
Ah can follow Tobago
If ah want
Ah’m the kind of guy
That quite likes Paraguay
And if it suits my needs
Ah’ll be behind the Swedes
So shut it
Italy or Ukraine,
Brazil, Switzerland or Spain
Poland or Japan
Germany, Ghana or Iran
Whoever
Any eejit can see
I’ll be supporting A.B.E.
And if that’s sad
Well it’s just too effin bad.
So there
Ah dinnae care
If I get a row fae Tony Blair
I’m Scottish to the hilt
So get it right up your kilt
Ya bass
C’moan T and T
C’moan Russell Latapy
Anyone But England dis for me
A.B.E.
A.B.E.
A.B.E.
