Howya Jaysus it’s bleedin deadly here at Cheltenham, so it is. There’s always something special in the air down here — probably the farts of ten thousand paddies after a night on the black stuff but who’s caring. Sure and I had the chance to be riding for Jamie Osbourne at Southwell today but what’s… Continue reading Paradise found
Tesco the Oppressor
Brothers and sisters, a great wrong has been done. I discovered today that my local “Big Issue” seller has been repeatedly moved on from his preferred patch outside Tesco by the management of the store. I’m sure you’ll agree that this sort of harassment in unacceptable. The man is responsible for selling the only reasonably… Continue reading Tesco the Oppressor
Crazy like a Fox
Howya Jaysus it’s a terrible time to be a jockey and it’s all the fault of that feckin eejit Fallon. I’ve been telling him for years that he’d get caught eventually but did he listen? Did he feck as like. That’s the trouble wi these top jocks, they look up at a fat git like… Continue reading Crazy like a Fox
Footballers Lives
Hello sweeties My what a terrible kerfuffle over those beastly football chaps who have been locked up in Spain. The molesters from Leicester as Hotwire Harry my driver called them this morning. I don’t read the ghastly tabloids myself of course but Harry tells me that the molesters broke into the rooms of some unsuspecting… Continue reading Footballers Lives
Nescafe No More
Fair trade fortnight is finally here! It’s taken seven years to get off the ground but we’ll finally be able to sink the boot into Nescafe. Gold Blend? That couple would be the first against the wall if I had my way. Evil promoters of third world poverty and they obviously get sex quite often.… Continue reading Nescafe No More
Fer feck’s sake Fallon
Howya Oh jaysus. Poor Keiren. He’s really gone and done it this time. The Fallon fella was only doing his job and making sure his nag didn’t win when it wasn’t supposed to so that the one of Jamie Osbourne’s got over the line first. Where was the harm in that? But the eejit had… Continue reading Fer feck’s sake Fallon
Sea Biscuit? See me.
Howya Was youse watching the Oscars the other night? Blinding it was apart from that diddy bitch-bag Billy Crystal. You ever seen anyone more in need of a good kick in the bollocks? Me neither. Anyways it minded me of that film Sea Biscuit about that ould horse that won all them races in America.… Continue reading Sea Biscuit? See me.
Top of the morning line to you
Howya Being followers of the sport of kings as you are, you’ll have seen me name on your racecard and in your papers and here I am to write for youse every now and again. Me oul sweat Paul Pot gave me the gig and said I should tell youse all about the grand game… Continue reading Top of the morning line to you
Commons
Hello darlings I was in the House the other night — not my house you understand, a girl has to have a life. No, I was in the Houses of Parliament for a little champagne soiree being thrown by some Tory friends of my acquaint who were celebrating Tiresome Tony about to lose some big… Continue reading Commons
David Kelly RIP
Well blow me down with a gift voucher from B&Q. I was in this house in Argyll Avenue, up to my elbow in this woman’s waste pipe, when I heard the news on the radio. Turns out Tony Blair did nothing wrong in the whole David Kelly Iraq thingy after all. He’s cleaner than a… Continue reading David Kelly RIP